Week 6 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
As most of you are devoted and extremely loyal fanatics of Team Each Hit, you must all already realize that Team Each Hit has been steadily falling down the ranks of the Pizza Pitcher League. There is no doubt they are in a severe slump. And when you are in the midst of a slump, there is no worse time to play a number one ranked team, or more importantly a team on a roll.
Unfortunately that's just who Team Each Hit was matched up against in Week 6, the dreaded Pin Pals. Recently the alley had been abuzz about the sudden dominance of this relatively unknown team. In their first year in the league, and in three back to back weeks, the amazing foursome of Homer, Moe, Apu and Otto had completely dominated their opponents and won every point. In their first match up, despite looking rusty, they easily took down the previous league champs, the Channel 6 Wastelanders. And in the weeks to come, without even trying, they blanked the DMV Regulation Kings and completely destroyed the spirits of the previous number 1 ranked team the Holy Rollers. With that kind of skill and a Nuclear Power Plant as their sponsor how could Team Each Hit not be nervous?
But coming into their match up with Team Each Hit, the Pin Pals did something unheard of; They replaced their top bowler Otto, who in previous weeks had single handedly decided games with his amazing ability to pick up spares, with the chief executive officer of the Nuclear Power Plant, Mr. Burns. Upon seeing this decrepit and ancient looking man stroll up to throw his first ball, Team Each Hit thought there was a glimmer of hope to take down this powerhouse. But Otto was not going to let this game be a cake walk. And in the end his disturbance at the vending machines was what tipped the scales in Pin Pals favor yet again.
Team Each Hit can only hope that next week they play a less animated team.
Go Each Hit!!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Week 5: 24 Secrets of the Bowling Alley
Week 5 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
This week Team Each Hit bowled against a team strangely titled: 24 Secrets of the Bowling Alley. Inspired by their unique name, Team Each Hit compiled 24 of their own bowling alley secrets.
1. When things look bleak, try drowning your monkey for luck.
2. If you get a mark you should yell "Card Worthy" and strut your stuff as you return to your team.
3. Chair flipping is never cool.
4. Shamrock suspenders are always cool.
5. Gumball's scent is still going strong.
6. You should never throw your hat when you are angry.
7. It's always too hot for Beer Nip to bowl.
8. When Tummy puts on the "something stinks" face, it's actually a good thing.
9. There are only two nice people who work at the alley, Grandma Bee and Little Miss Ponytail.
10. Lefty is now Tummy.
11. The Cooler is now The House.
12. Double Bagger and Pink Shoes are still the same.
13. Everyone could be Pink Shoes due to a jersey naming mishap.
14. No matter what cards are used, Team Each Hit's opponents are never distracted.
15. The four pizza day has become a thing of legend.
16. If you talk about it, then Team Each Hit will mess up the foundation frame.
17. Double Bagger doesn't like to bowl under pressure.
18. Although very rare, Team Each Hit has seen a few reach-arounds.
19. A pin only has to tilt 7 degrees to fall down... who knew that could be so difficult to achieve.
20. Team Each Hit bowls best when drinking 3 pitchers.
21. Double Bagger bowls best when on work outings. (Stupid 211 that didn't count!)
22. The House was sent away to Bowling Camp, and every 3 weeks he comes home and shows off how much he's improved.
23. The only thing better than extra pizza is a Sam's Club hot dog.
24. Despite improved performances, Team Each Hit is definitely in a slump.
Go Each Hit!!
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
This week Team Each Hit bowled against a team strangely titled: 24 Secrets of the Bowling Alley. Inspired by their unique name, Team Each Hit compiled 24 of their own bowling alley secrets.
1. When things look bleak, try drowning your monkey for luck.
2. If you get a mark you should yell "Card Worthy" and strut your stuff as you return to your team.
3. Chair flipping is never cool.
4. Shamrock suspenders are always cool.
5. Gumball's scent is still going strong.
6. You should never throw your hat when you are angry.
7. It's always too hot for Beer Nip to bowl.
8. When Tummy puts on the "something stinks" face, it's actually a good thing.
9. There are only two nice people who work at the alley, Grandma Bee and Little Miss Ponytail.
10. Lefty is now Tummy.
11. The Cooler is now The House.
12. Double Bagger and Pink Shoes are still the same.
13. Everyone could be Pink Shoes due to a jersey naming mishap.
14. No matter what cards are used, Team Each Hit's opponents are never distracted.
15. The four pizza day has become a thing of legend.
16. If you talk about it, then Team Each Hit will mess up the foundation frame.
17. Double Bagger doesn't like to bowl under pressure.
18. Although very rare, Team Each Hit has seen a few reach-arounds.
19. A pin only has to tilt 7 degrees to fall down... who knew that could be so difficult to achieve.
20. Team Each Hit bowls best when drinking 3 pitchers.
21. Double Bagger bowls best when on work outings. (Stupid 211 that didn't count!)
22. The House was sent away to Bowling Camp, and every 3 weeks he comes home and shows off how much he's improved.
23. The only thing better than extra pizza is a Sam's Club hot dog.
24. Despite improved performances, Team Each Hit is definitely in a slump.
Go Each Hit!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Week 4: The Blumpkins
Week 4 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
Do any of you remember how annoying 13 year old boys are? Especially 4 of them together? The immature jokes, the acne, the crotch grabbing, the overall obnoxious and annoying behavior? Now imagine four 23 year olds acting like this for 2 hours straight and you are accurately envisioning The Blumpkins, Team Each Hit's opponent for Week 4.
Do you still have that visual in your head? Good. Now you should easily be able to imagine how this annoyance might impact a teams focus and ability to bowl up to their potential. Team Each Hit tried desperately to focus their tunnel vision and only see the pins, but nothing seemed to help. They were distracted, and they were handed a quick loss in Game 1.
After realizing that their focus was compromised Team Each Hit was desperate for a distraction. Putting the team first, Double Bagger decided to do something about these boys. Channeling her inner dorkiness, Double Bagger ran to her car, grabbed her lap top, her personal copy of World of Warcraft and challenged the Blumpkins to a duel. Double Bagger's amazingly powerful Paladin avatar was able to keep The Blumpkins attention off bowling and crotch grabbing just long enough to allow the remaining members of Team Each Hit to rediscover their true bowling form and pull out a victory in Game 2.
But unfortunately the distraction was short lived. And as The Blumpkins became more and more discouraged with their feeble attempts at beating Double Bagger in World of Warcraft, they began to redouble their bowling efforts and, most disappointingly to Team Each Hit, their obnoxious annoyance factor. So once again, in Game 3, Team Each Hit was not able to overcome the adolescent obnoxious factor and they were defeated.
As Team Each Hit walked through their lessons learned from this Week's debacle, they all concluded one thing; thank goodness we will never again have to bowl against such idiots. And they all hoped these would not be famous last words, as the even MORE annoying, and chair flipping, Team 13 still lurked out there.
Go Each Hit!!
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
Do any of you remember how annoying 13 year old boys are? Especially 4 of them together? The immature jokes, the acne, the crotch grabbing, the overall obnoxious and annoying behavior? Now imagine four 23 year olds acting like this for 2 hours straight and you are accurately envisioning The Blumpkins, Team Each Hit's opponent for Week 4.
Do you still have that visual in your head? Good. Now you should easily be able to imagine how this annoyance might impact a teams focus and ability to bowl up to their potential. Team Each Hit tried desperately to focus their tunnel vision and only see the pins, but nothing seemed to help. They were distracted, and they were handed a quick loss in Game 1.
After realizing that their focus was compromised Team Each Hit was desperate for a distraction. Putting the team first, Double Bagger decided to do something about these boys. Channeling her inner dorkiness, Double Bagger ran to her car, grabbed her lap top, her personal copy of World of Warcraft and challenged the Blumpkins to a duel. Double Bagger's amazingly powerful Paladin avatar was able to keep The Blumpkins attention off bowling and crotch grabbing just long enough to allow the remaining members of Team Each Hit to rediscover their true bowling form and pull out a victory in Game 2.
But unfortunately the distraction was short lived. And as The Blumpkins became more and more discouraged with their feeble attempts at beating Double Bagger in World of Warcraft, they began to redouble their bowling efforts and, most disappointingly to Team Each Hit, their obnoxious annoyance factor. So once again, in Game 3, Team Each Hit was not able to overcome the adolescent obnoxious factor and they were defeated.
As Team Each Hit walked through their lessons learned from this Week's debacle, they all concluded one thing; thank goodness we will never again have to bowl against such idiots. And they all hoped these would not be famous last words, as the even MORE annoying, and chair flipping, Team 13 still lurked out there.
Go Each Hit!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Week 3: Motorboaters
Week 3 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
This week the beloved Team Each Hit battled a team of Red Cross certified swim instructors playfully named The Motorboaters*. But Team Each Hit was focused, and with the devastating loss from Week 2 fresh on their minds, there was no way they were going to let those Motorboaters get in their chest and shake things up.
Heat 1: The Doggy Paddle
With victory on their mind, Team Each Hit pumped themselves up and showed extraordinary focus to win the first heat. They got a quick jump off the blocks from their new rookie, Beer Nip (Aka Kurtain, AKA Everybody Kurts, AKA Bangkok, AKA The Big Kurt, AKA Mathlete, AKA Frankurter), but definitely lost some ground when only half their team was able to match their average scores. In the end Team Each Hit got lucky as their doggy paddle was just enough to beat out The Motorboaters elementary backstroke.
Heat 2: The Breaststroke
In the second heat, Team Each Hit was awestruck with the accuracy and precision of The Motorboaters breaststroke. And no matter how hard they sprinted, they just could not keep their heads above water. With an inevitable set back to their perfect victory, Team Each Hit took comfort in knowing that this was a long course event, and so they refocused and buckled down for the marathon that would be heat 3.
Heat 3: 400 Meter Medley Relay
In the last heat, Team Each Hit pulled out all the stops. They lubed up, they put on low resistance suits and they shaved their heads, anything to get just the slightest edge so they could pull out a final victory. Leading by example, the veterans of Team Each Hit showed that pressure did not affect them as they displayed perfect form in all of their strokes, even beating The Motorboaters in breaststroke.
After tallying all the points, Team Each Hit came out with a respectable 5-2 victory over The Motorboaters. And since the Red Cross always promotes good sportsmanship and being a good loser, The Motorboaters did a cheer for Team Each Hit to cap off the evening:
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins so slow.
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins so fast!
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins on their ass!
Go Each Hit!!
*For those of you unaware of the Red Cross' tips and tricks for swim instruction for preschoolers, the Motorboat song is a staple in helping the children playfully learn to put their face in the water and blow bubbles.
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
This week the beloved Team Each Hit battled a team of Red Cross certified swim instructors playfully named The Motorboaters*. But Team Each Hit was focused, and with the devastating loss from Week 2 fresh on their minds, there was no way they were going to let those Motorboaters get in their chest and shake things up.
Heat 1: The Doggy Paddle
With victory on their mind, Team Each Hit pumped themselves up and showed extraordinary focus to win the first heat. They got a quick jump off the blocks from their new rookie, Beer Nip (Aka Kurtain, AKA Everybody Kurts, AKA Bangkok, AKA The Big Kurt, AKA Mathlete, AKA Frankurter), but definitely lost some ground when only half their team was able to match their average scores. In the end Team Each Hit got lucky as their doggy paddle was just enough to beat out The Motorboaters elementary backstroke.
Heat 2: The Breaststroke
In the second heat, Team Each Hit was awestruck with the accuracy and precision of The Motorboaters breaststroke. And no matter how hard they sprinted, they just could not keep their heads above water. With an inevitable set back to their perfect victory, Team Each Hit took comfort in knowing that this was a long course event, and so they refocused and buckled down for the marathon that would be heat 3.
Heat 3: 400 Meter Medley Relay
In the last heat, Team Each Hit pulled out all the stops. They lubed up, they put on low resistance suits and they shaved their heads, anything to get just the slightest edge so they could pull out a final victory. Leading by example, the veterans of Team Each Hit showed that pressure did not affect them as they displayed perfect form in all of their strokes, even beating The Motorboaters in breaststroke.
After tallying all the points, Team Each Hit came out with a respectable 5-2 victory over The Motorboaters. And since the Red Cross always promotes good sportsmanship and being a good loser, The Motorboaters did a cheer for Team Each Hit to cap off the evening:
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins so slow.
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins so fast!
Bowling ball, bowling ball, knock-the pins on their ass!
Go Each Hit!!
*For those of you unaware of the Red Cross' tips and tricks for swim instruction for preschoolers, the Motorboat song is a staple in helping the children playfully learn to put their face in the water and blow bubbles.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Week 2: Meet the Fockers
Week 2 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
In Week 2 Team Each hit had the horrible misfortune of bowling Meet the Fockers and their bowling prodigy Little Jack. The talk across the lanes was that this team had even trained their cat Jinxy to bowl... and if the family pet can bowl, you know there's gonna be trouble.
Team Each Hit watched closely as Meet the Fockers and Little Jack warmed up, sizing up the competition with every practice ball thrown. At the end of the practice period, Double Bagger felt confident, she felt no fear of the opponent. She excitedly explained to the team, I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and I've got news for you, prodigies don't eat there own boogers. So there is still hope we can pull out a victory!!
Unfortunately that hope was short lived as Meet the Fockers and Little Jack easily took down Team Each Hit in game one. Seeing that his team was shaken, The House decided to try and give a motivational speech and really pump up the team. He cleared his throat and began: "Team, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is? His legacy." His bowling legacy to be exact. So let's beat these Fockers!! And Team Each Hit responded, bowling much better than in Game one, but still not good enough to take down the Fockers.
At the conclusion of Game 2, the Fockers asked that Team Each Hit keep an eye on Little Jack for a moment while they go pick up their pizza. And when they were gone tragedy struck. As Team Each Hit prepared to do a team waterfall to boost morale, Little Jack began to cry. Seeing that he was upset that his team had left him to go get pizza, Tummy went over and put his arm around the little guy. He asked what it would take to get him to calm down long enough for us to finish our drinking ritual. When an agreement was made, the team went back to their drinking not noticing the mischief Little Jack was getting into. When the Fockers returned, they were aghast and demanded to know what happened. As Team Each Hit sat there with their jaws gaping, Tummy stood up and began to explain. I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV... when I looked back... he had put on Scarface and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it. The Fockers were furious, and began scrambling to find a replacement for Little Jack in Game 3. But when the league refused to allow a cat to bowl, the Fockers were screwed. But even with the obvious advantage, Team Each Hit still only managed to win by the smallest of margins.
The Game 3 victory was bittersweet, as the feeling of disgust over the 5 points lost overpowered the feeling of relief for the two points they won. So being the good sports that they are, they slowly got up to shake hands with their formidable opponents. But as they outstretched their hands Meet the Fockers simply yelled, "Focker Out!" as they ran out the doors an onto their bus.
Go Each Hit!!
Captain Pink Shoes
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
In Week 2 Team Each hit had the horrible misfortune of bowling Meet the Fockers and their bowling prodigy Little Jack. The talk across the lanes was that this team had even trained their cat Jinxy to bowl... and if the family pet can bowl, you know there's gonna be trouble.
Team Each Hit watched closely as Meet the Fockers and Little Jack warmed up, sizing up the competition with every practice ball thrown. At the end of the practice period, Double Bagger felt confident, she felt no fear of the opponent. She excitedly explained to the team, I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and I've got news for you, prodigies don't eat there own boogers. So there is still hope we can pull out a victory!!
Unfortunately that hope was short lived as Meet the Fockers and Little Jack easily took down Team Each Hit in game one. Seeing that his team was shaken, The House decided to try and give a motivational speech and really pump up the team. He cleared his throat and began: "Team, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is? His legacy." His bowling legacy to be exact. So let's beat these Fockers!! And Team Each Hit responded, bowling much better than in Game one, but still not good enough to take down the Fockers.
At the conclusion of Game 2, the Fockers asked that Team Each Hit keep an eye on Little Jack for a moment while they go pick up their pizza. And when they were gone tragedy struck. As Team Each Hit prepared to do a team waterfall to boost morale, Little Jack began to cry. Seeing that he was upset that his team had left him to go get pizza, Tummy went over and put his arm around the little guy. He asked what it would take to get him to calm down long enough for us to finish our drinking ritual. When an agreement was made, the team went back to their drinking not noticing the mischief Little Jack was getting into. When the Fockers returned, they were aghast and demanded to know what happened. As Team Each Hit sat there with their jaws gaping, Tummy stood up and began to explain. I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV... when I looked back... he had put on Scarface and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it. The Fockers were furious, and began scrambling to find a replacement for Little Jack in Game 3. But when the league refused to allow a cat to bowl, the Fockers were screwed. But even with the obvious advantage, Team Each Hit still only managed to win by the smallest of margins.
The Game 3 victory was bittersweet, as the feeling of disgust over the 5 points lost overpowered the feeling of relief for the two points they won. So being the good sports that they are, they slowly got up to shake hands with their formidable opponents. But as they outstretched their hands Meet the Fockers simply yelled, "Focker Out!" as they ran out the doors an onto their bus.
Go Each Hit!!
Captain Pink Shoes
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Week 1: 2Slo2Bowl
Week 1 Stats
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
I know you have all dearly missed your beloved Team Each Hit over the past 8 months... but never fear... they are back and better than ever! This year is bringing a lot of great changes for the team, including a new blog, new jerseys, some new nicknames and a new sub (due to the impending and frequent travel of the bowler formally known as "The Cooler"). Hopefully all of this is a recipe for success!
For those of you who have fallen off your bowling A game, week 1 in a bowling league is generally a very good week to bowl sub par. This poor bowling, often done intentionally, allows a bowler to establish such a high handicap that they can just coast to victory for many weeks to come. This handicap tampering is what Team Each Hit likes to refer to as "the plan."
Since Team Each Hit is made up of four not very highly skilled bowlers you would think following "the plan" would be relatively easy. You would think that bowling numerous bad frame in a row would come to them like second nature. But just like many a teams, on any given Tuesday, what is expected of them is not always what they deliver.
So Team Each Hit struggled to follow "the plan" as only one bowler per game seemed to be able to mess up their game. Congratulations Pink Shoes on messing up so royally in game 1 that you bowled your highest game in 3 seasons, you'll never be able to recover. Nice work Tummy (formerly known as Lefty) and The House (formerly known as The Cooler) on peaking so high in Game two that even if you did throw the other games your averages were ruined. And great planning Double Bagger, the amazing third game was just what you needed to ruin all the work you put into "the plan" in the first two games.
Now generally these feats would be compliments, but "the plan" for week 1 is the exact opposite of what the strategy is for every other week. So while Team Each Hit may have taken an early lead in the league standing with a stellar performance, what they really did was set themselves up for a 5 week up-hill battle until the handicap tampering evens itself out.
Go Each Hit!!
Captain Pink Shoes
Welcome Back Bowling Fans!!!
I know you have all dearly missed your beloved Team Each Hit over the past 8 months... but never fear... they are back and better than ever! This year is bringing a lot of great changes for the team, including a new blog, new jerseys, some new nicknames and a new sub (due to the impending and frequent travel of the bowler formally known as "The Cooler"). Hopefully all of this is a recipe for success!
For those of you who have fallen off your bowling A game, week 1 in a bowling league is generally a very good week to bowl sub par. This poor bowling, often done intentionally, allows a bowler to establish such a high handicap that they can just coast to victory for many weeks to come. This handicap tampering is what Team Each Hit likes to refer to as "the plan."
Since Team Each Hit is made up of four not very highly skilled bowlers you would think following "the plan" would be relatively easy. You would think that bowling numerous bad frame in a row would come to them like second nature. But just like many a teams, on any given Tuesday, what is expected of them is not always what they deliver.
So Team Each Hit struggled to follow "the plan" as only one bowler per game seemed to be able to mess up their game. Congratulations Pink Shoes on messing up so royally in game 1 that you bowled your highest game in 3 seasons, you'll never be able to recover. Nice work Tummy (formerly known as Lefty) and The House (formerly known as The Cooler) on peaking so high in Game two that even if you did throw the other games your averages were ruined. And great planning Double Bagger, the amazing third game was just what you needed to ruin all the work you put into "the plan" in the first two games.
Now generally these feats would be compliments, but "the plan" for week 1 is the exact opposite of what the strategy is for every other week. So while Team Each Hit may have taken an early lead in the league standing with a stellar performance, what they really did was set themselves up for a 5 week up-hill battle until the handicap tampering evens itself out.
Go Each Hit!!
Captain Pink Shoes
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